Dear Vivi Nevo,

Now that cutie-pie Times reporter Tim Arango has revealed you to be an under-the-radar media moneybags, I’d like to introduce myself. I understand you’re busy being the largest individual stakeholder in Time Warner, and I am sure your fiancee Ziyi Zhang is a timesuck too — she doesn’t exactly strike me as low maintenance, a trait this not-exactly low maintenance girl doesn’t scorn. But I digress.

Here’s the thing. You are newly interested in new-media companies and Magazine MILF is kind of one of those. My service is procrastination for anyone with an internet connection. What differentiates my product is the massive MILFiness. Given the proliferation of celebrity yummy mummies — not to mention your girlfriend’s biological imperative — I’d say we have super synergy and tons of potential.

A bonus: I’m cheap. Five or six figures should do the trick. At least at the outset.

Kisses to Ziyi.

Love,
Magazine MILF
XOXO

Remember when I pointed out that my one doctor that I hate consistently makes New York’s Best Doctors List? You know, the post that earned me mention in the magazine, and transformed me into a publicity ho?

The reviled doctor is a dermatologist and my venom is driven precisely by the ethically dubious phenomenon so devastatingly chronicled in Natasha Singer’s awesome, front-page expose, about the disturbingly large number of dermatologists giving special treatment to cosmetic clients, while shunting aside medical patients like me. Now, I understand vanity and I understand the desire to make a lot of money from the vanity impulse. But principle aside, how do these people sleep at night knowing they’re plasticizing the nation into an army of surprised-eyed, duck-lipped, nipped, tucked and sucked look-alikes who bear zero resemblance to their children, much less human beings?

Is it me, or did half the world just explode in its pants with the appearance of Gisele in half-chaps on the cover of V?

With the arrival of the August issue of W, let us gratefully slam the door on the recent creepy era of precious little-girl-like models a la Lily Cole. As the amazing spreads starring Christy and Gisele attest, the ferocious intensity of badass beauty is reconquering fashionland.

Welcome back from exile, you heavenly babes!