Maureen Orth pulls off an amazing feat in her Carla Bruni piece for Vanity Fair — she turned out a total snooze of a story. Orth’s mistake lies in her decision to concentrate on the extremely well-documented past — all the lovers everybody already knows about (and about which Bruni has always been open); Nicolas Sarkozy’s soap-opera of a second marriage to Cecilia Sarkozy; the stupid mistakes the newlyweds made in the first-blush phase; and so on. Instead, Orth should have pursued the present because that, on its own, is pretty fascinating. Bruni is psyched to be First Lady, and I’d love to know what she plans to do with the office. Will she broker a peace deal in the Middle East? Or find a way to ease the French into a 40-hour work week? Maybe she is the one who can finally get the Bush Administration to see the light on global warming.

There is, however, one element of Bruni’s past about which I wish Orth had asked. Not long ago, Bruni told a reporter, “I bore myself silly with monogamy. I prefer polygamy and polyandry.” Inquiring minds want to know if such outre beliefs have been imported to the Elysee Palace. Visiting heads of state are especially eager for this information.

I want this fringed marvel by Givenchy for Melissa Walker’s book party and my other events tonight.

Credit: Givenchy Haute Couture by Riccardo Tisci. Silk organza, embroidered with nandu feathers and silk fringe, matching feather bolero and shoes. Price: Surely astronomical.

Dear Adam Moss,

Thanks for including me in the Comments round-up about Jonathan Van Meter’s “New New Face” story. I dig that you’re taking a wee jab, describing my impression as “less reflective” than those of readers who expressed more philosophical views on cosmetic procedures. But although the tone was flip, my question — “how bad would it suck to have last year’s face?” — was a serious one. When you see a Jewish woman of a certain age with a ski-slope proboscis, you know she got a nose job in the early postwar period. Yich. I would much rather look dated the old-fashioned way.

In any event, how reflective do you want to get about Botox anyway? This plastic-
surgery moment is a circus, and we bystanders should have as much fun as the participants who peacock their Madonna eyes, Demi noses and luscious Michelle Pfeiffer lips. I mean, you were engaging in skin-deep fun with the “New New Face” story, right?

Okay, that’s enough reflection for the rest of my life. Talk soon and lots of love. XO