How must it feel for a cover subject when she is photoshopped almost beyond recognition? In this instance, does Ellen Pompeo feel sad that a beauty magazine couldn’t go with anything resembling her actual pinched and pockmarked visage? Or inspired by what could be if only she would eat something?

Nobody was expecting Sunday Styles to publish the juicy gay Hollywood story everybody would be buzzing about — you know, the one that outs and speculates and requires real reporting. But let’s cover new ground, people! Like, what about the gay Hollywood gender divide that has seemingly put women on top? Being openly bisexual hasn’t impeded Angelina Jolie’s world domination. And LiLo’s SamRo love looks like her best career move yet. Maybe gay dudes who’ve got the chops have something to learn from these non-dykey dynamos: Trade flamey-ness for hetero-hotness and get a macho fuck buddy who appears to enjoy bar brawls. Problem solved!

From this picture of Sarah Palin channeling a student-council VP posing for her Wall of Fame photo-op, Judith Warner has brilliantly teased out the most devastating blow of the election season, with her characteristically lethal, ladylike compassion: Alaska’s First Dudette is so terrified by the late realization that she is so out of her league that, “Palin’s nomination isn’t just an insult to the women (and men) of America. It’s an act of cruelty toward her as well.” Now that is a knockout.

George Michael may have been recently arrested for crack possession, but Tom Ford and I still keep the Faith.