I have a confession. As everyone knows, Gwen Stefani is my favorite MILF. Everything she does is perfect — the music, the style, the constant smile — everything. But there’s one thing that’s always struck me as less than perfect about Miss Gwen and that is Gavin Rossdale. I mean, shouldn’t Gwen Stefani’s husband be a superstar too? Well, yes. On the other hand, if you think about all the transatlatic celebrity couples — Gwyneth and Chris, Madonna and Guy — you’ll notice that the ladies always move to London. Gavin, however, chose Gwen’s home turf, and I’m admiring how he is the one who took a chance with his career. Now he just needs to make a hit record — or something, please, anything — to encourage other London laddies to move for their ladies too.

Do you ever have JAP-realization moments? Mine usually strike when New York City housing is the subject. As in, I don’t do prewar apartments — old bathrooms are ick. As in, I don’t do the suburbs — I don’t garden, take out the garbage or fix the roof. As in, I don’t sardine-it like the families profiled The Times’s Home section. Rather than depart downtown, these well-established, white-collar families make it work in 700-square-foot studios (nobody, apparently, lives like FOBers uptown). Never mind that they have mute couch sex or that their kid sleeps on a foldout mattress. They get to see LiLo at Da Silvano.

Now, I know most families worldwide live in cramped conditions. But most cultures also make girls feel ashamed of their bodies, and I can’t help but wonder if this stems in part from sharing close quarters with siblings of the opposite sex. (Recall how you felt about your body from the ages of 10 to, oh, about now.) But the Times families, unlike 10-in-a-room families in Bangladesh, actually have choices and they don’t all involve Westchester. Like, Brooklyn and the Upper West Side, for starters. Ah. Now I feel superior, responsible and a lot less JAPpy.

Ladies, you know that totally awesome guy who you perceive to be out of your league? Go for it! According to Psychology Today, beta males — that is, skinny dudes like the non-macho Michael Cera doppelganger, at left — automatically adjust their mating preferences to what’s attainable so they don’t waste their time pursuing lost causes or damage their reps through serial rejection. So even when they “settle,” they don’t feel like they’re settling. Women, apparently, are not wired with this evolutionary protective measure. But that may be a blessing: “Because guys are relatively unlikely to turn women down, it’s less risky for women to hit on even the most prized hotties.” Had I known this in college, I would have gone after Tom Brady!