Cookie’s making a play for polygamists! Following a terrific story about how to talk to your kid about sex — “Where Did I Come From?” is still the bible! — there’s a completely creepy fashion story with major Yearning for Zion overtones. Like, who are the mothers and who are the daughters in this picture?

Only a woman could be gracious and deluded enough to say something as ridiculous as, “She won by losing.”  The “she” is Hillary Rodham Clinton, the context is Glamour’s Women of the Year list, and the assertion is maddeningly indicative of why we have so far to go in the female-chief-of-state sweepstakes. Think about it: Had Barack Obama lost the nomination, would he view it in any other terms but defeat? Hell no. And would African-Americans feel their children could tangibly dream of the White House, as Glamour quotes a former congresswoman saying of her own two daughters, because of HRC? Double hell no. Third place is not victory. And until a woman lands the Oval Office, girls will only know that they can be a contender — but they’ll have to be better than everybody else, and they’ll be ridiculed for it anyway. Here’s to Chelsea C. in 2016!

I have a watch issue unique to me — the same silly Seiko has adorned my wrist since my bat mitzvah — and I have a time issue universal to all MILFs — I am always late. Now, with the Franck Muller Crazy Hours Watch, I have both a cool, ladylike replacement as well as an entirely plausible excuse for my tardiness: My timepiece went all Salvador Dali and I got a little mixed up!

Credit: Franck Muller Crazy Hours Watch.
Price available upon request. Just kidding,
Eric Wilson! It’s $29,500. (For real.) www.franckmullerusa.com

p.s. Here is a video of how the watch works.
I don’t understand it, and that means the Crazy Hours chrono suits my needs superbly.