Could there exist a better visual argument against plastic surgery than Meryl Streep and her glorious crow’s feet, laugh lines, and natural facial expression, which actually resembles the actress in her youth? As if the singular beauty on display weren’t enough, Entertainment Weekly put the 59-year-old marvel on the cover and crowned her “The Queen of Hollywood” — because after years of critical kudos, she has also become box-office gold. How cool is all that?

V has hit upon a genius way to justify an NSFW photo shoot so provocative that even racy Italian Vogue passed on it: Turn the whole thing into an anthropology lesson! Now, I have no idea what Franca Sozzani’s original layout plan for the Steven Meisel porn fuzz included. But Stephen Gan, an asexual-seeming flamer who gets editorial chills when it comes to euro-raunch, provided a 63-word definition of the verb “dogging,” and that is basically the length of most articles in his magazine. Clearly, there was pressure to rationalize 28 pages of graphic yet boring group sex in the woods. So boring, in fact, that it’s not even on V’s website.

If you’re game, check out the full slideshow of the Steven Meisel spread on The Cut. But remember! Do not view these images while at the office. You need to keep your job!

Dear David Carr,

Now that you’ve used your New York Times bully pulpit to blame the media for the Black Friday death of a Wal-Mart worker, why not offer a solution inspired by that shopping cult otherwise known as Conde Nast? As I am sure you know, employees at Four Times Square get more emails containing exclusive sample-sale notifications than anything to do with, you know, reporting about, oh, say, shopping. And just to prove the company doesn’t entice without considering the time pressures of its staff, Conde Nast goes the extra mile in December, providing every full-time worker a half-day to do her holiday shopping. See, if every employer got in on the act, the shopping would be staggered and they would be helping the economy, and that means they — the liberal media — would be acting in such a patriotic manner! How’s that for commitment to the national cause?

Merry merry!

Love,
Magazine MILF