Rich ladies are such pussies these days. Too embarrassed to be seen with a bag from Bergdorf’s in These Economic Times, but too genetically predisposed to acquisition to stop acquiring, the Plastic People of Park Avenue now host at-home luxury pop-up boutiques where they stealthly spend on designer fur and diamonds, according to the first somewhat-entertaining New York Times Styles story about recession-shopping. Wimpy bullshit like this really makes me miss unapologetically rich, tough broads like Nan Kempner. If she were still alive and kickin’, she would not only step up her couture spending — charity for dear friends! — but she would also happily have her picture snapped by Bill Cunningham, with armloads of Bergdorf’s bags, while saying something like, “It’s the duty of the privileged to prop up the morale of the people and the economy of the country!” And we would believe her because Nan Kempner never pretended to be of the people, like all the socialites who actually work these days do (and therefore need to hide their habit). So, who can fill Kempner’s Manolos at a time when we desperately need a fantasy vessel? I nominate Caroline Kennedy. If the Senate thing doesn’t work out, this role provides serious public-service possibilities. Not to mention reinvention!

Here’s to the power of positive thinking via cover lines. While “DAZZLING!” is typically an accurate description of Julianne Moore, “AWKWARD!” appears more accurate for a woman so clearly hamstrung by an ultra-prim straitjacket of a dress. Of course, “AWKWARD!” is a pretty awkward cover line. But Moore has shown time and again that she’s far more comfortable doing “Belle de Jour”-type shoots for the likes of French Vogue. So let’s keep this national treasure of a siren sexing it up, with age-defying boobies, crotch-shots and controversy everywhere!