Archive for February, 2009

Friday Funhouse: The Complete State of the World

Posted by The MILF

I figured it out! How fashion people stay so slim, that is: With something like eight industry-wide international annual conventions featuring the highest catty quotients imaginable — including fashion weeks in London and Milan this week — you’d make sure you looked freakin’ fabulous 24/7 too.

The results are in! Colored girls gained significant — but not enough — ground on the runway in NYC. In an impressively exhaustive survey, Jezebel concludes that non-whites — which includes blacks, Latinos and Asians — represented 18 percent of catwalk stalkers. That’s a six percent improvement over last year, though still eight percentage points shy of the country’s non-white population. See the complete list of the casting goodies and baddies on Jezebel.

What is wrong with Antonin Scalia and John Roberts? (Preceding the names of two men so hostile to anyone who isn’t a white male with the honorary “Justice” seems more than slightly oxymoronic.) In a recent Supreme Court ruling, these jerks opposed barring those convicted of domestic violence from owning guns. Because the corrolation isn’t obvious, or anything. [Washington Post]

Finally! Scientific justification for why women love to shop, especially compared with men: We use our whole brains to process beauty, while men only use the right side. What the study doesn’t mention is how men often screw themselves by using what they take to be their second set of brains down below. [Jezebel]

I thought this pic was about the American obesity epidemic. Or our bad-fashion affliction. Didn’t you? But it’s for a piece about why we haven’t been attacked since 9/11. Not gonna read that one! [Slate]

In the “duh” news of the day: Family planning saves the government money. Shockingly, those budget geniuses otherwise known as Republicans, killed it in the stimulus package. Yet further evidence that Democrats = pussies. [Jezebel]

If you are a Vivienne Westwood fan, this bit of Fashion Week news will make you swoon: She has no idea who Kanye West is — and we know The Viv knows American culture because Pamela Anderson starred in her recent ad campaign. Did I mention swooning? [New York Daily News]

Here’s why the British will always be better at fashion: As the opening night of the Stephen Jones hat exhibition at the V&A demonstrates, even apparently straight men have been gleefully bitten by the wacky-eccentric thing that conformist Americans could never coutenance. Check out more fabulously kooky toppers on Refinery 29 and just about every other fashion site out there.

Fuckin’ Sarah Palin. I thought we non-Alaskans could count her out of our lives till the race for 2012 begins next month. But noooo. Bitch has to go and sue the government to stop it from protecting the Cook Inlet beluga whales as an endangered species. If only the RNC could cultivate her taste for caviar like it did for fashion. [Salon]

For a lesson in why New York Magazine has one of the highest magazine ad rates, other pubs could do worse than follow the example of its fashion blog, The Cut, which at one point this week ran two “shoe porn” posts in the space of three. [Here and here.]

Wanna know what makes the indomitable Cathy Horyn tick? Check out her “Talk to the Newsroom” Q&A, and get some perspective on why models look angry, what fashion books she loves (so many!) and how she judges designers. You’ll love her more than ever. And by the way, how badass does she look here? [NYT]

Just in time for the MILFspring to hit high school: America’s favorite pollster-clairvoyant, Nate Silver, predicts marijuana will be legalized by 2023, based, of course, on Americans’ increasing awareness of the tax incentives. [Jossip]

Highly civic-minded rich people are blowing their wads at the Yves Saint Laurent-Pierre Berge sale at Christie’s Paris, blowing away all kinds of spending records that Reaganites would have you believe will trickle down to the little people. Can you feel the love yet? [V]

For yet more evidence that the smartest people are the most generous, look to Sweden’s policy of fully funded IVF treatments, cutting both spending and multiple births. What a bummer that it’s way too much to hope that my fellow countrymen would scream “Socialism!” at anything so humane that happens to be healthy and pragmatic too. [Slate]

Having a bad day? Check out Katie Grand’s cheap-and-
cheery “Snoopy” video, in which Charlie Brown’s be-fri grooves to the Pet Shop Boys. Seriously cute. [The Moment]

And finally, a push-gift idea for a certain pregnant someone: The new Sonia Rykiel book, devoted to her 40-year reign as Queen of Knitwear. Her fragrance is that certain someone’s favorite too. [Refinery 29]

Ciao for now, my lovelies! XO

What I’m Wearing Now: D&G

Posted by The MILF

I’m headed out to aqua class, and I’m outfitted just like the D&G girl at far right, headgear and all. You think I’m exaggerating? Ha! It’s competitive in the swim with the old people: We’ve got a onetime Paco Rabanne model from the ’80s, and my raven-haired friend Fran is 60 and unfailingly arrives in full stage make-up — and she never needs post-pool touch-ups!

Saving Lindsay Lohan

Posted by The MILF

Dear Lindsay,

So much of Hedi Slimane’s recent shoot reminds us why we are so enthralled by you. But this picture exemplifies exactly why you make us all worry so much — you’re skin and bones, and you seem to think the only way anyone will pay attention is if you strip. But we know you’ve got the chops because we all saw “Mean Girls” and “Prairie Home Companion,” and that means you, unlike Paris, can remain properly clothed. As for your protruding pelvis among other parts, I’d like to remind you of the pleasures of a bistro burger and fries. I’m treating, but only if you promise to arrive on time because I’ve got childcare to worry about. So, Cafe Luxembourg tomorrow at noon?

Love,
Magazine MILF

p.s. Do not let that tyrant Hedi Slimane attempt to transform you into the female version of his pre-pubescent runway models for Dior Homme. When you return to sleeping with men, which I fear you will do all too soon, you will rediscover that they like girls with a tad to grab.

Lucky Me

Posted by The MILF

If Glamour is the best-girlfriend of magazines — a cheerleading clotheshorse unafraid to dole out common-sense reality checks — then Lucky just might be that well-meaning, yet unpredictable man in your life whose behavior vacillates between strike-outs and grand-slams. What do I mean? Well, some months, I feel like the stupid girl who is always waiting around — i.e., searching for sartorial inspirational and failing to find anything even worth marking “Maybe?”. But this month Lucky closed the deal on our date, so to speak: I liked so much stuff in the magazine that I used nearly half the provided stickers — a record — and, as with the best issues of Lucky, I find myself combing through the book again and again, looking for things I might have missed the first time around. Even the city-specific “Shopping Trip” is a score — it’s in Paris, a place I’ll visit the rest of my life, unlike, say, the Palookaville-type towns often spotlighted. Not that retailers or economic forecasters should feel optimistic about my enthusiasm. I have never, ever sought out, much less purchased, even the most amazing things in Lucky. I’m just there for the visual thrill. On that note, a few of my favorite things from the March issue. Behold:

At left is the girl whose style most resembles mine, pixie cut and all. I’m dying over that rainbow-striped scarf and, aggravatingly enough, Lucky doesn’t provide credits for the Fashion Copycat column. My first guess at Sonia Rykiel has turned up nothing. Clue me in if you can.

These Dolce Vita sandals, right, are the kind of boho-Oaxaca thing after which I always lust and never seem to secure. May my inner Jade Jagger emerge this summer.

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While I might fantasize about looking all Karen Graham for Estee Lauder — Lucky cites the ’70s ads, right, for inspiring spring’s chiffon layers — the fact is, I’m a petite Heeb like Mrs. Lauder. And I hate chiffon. But this image is striking not only for its beauty and glamour, but also for how it points to everything wrong with the current crop of fashion ads. That someone at Lucky has the depth of the knowledge to cite it, leaves me impressed.

As for the girl at left, how much do you dig those bronze parachute pants? The problem with the ’80s originals was the sweatpant-like cut. But in a lean shape, they are sassy-sporty for day and very come-hither for night. Totally rad, dudettes.

Kids, They Think the Darnedest Things

Posted by The MILF

In the unedited version of this Paul Mitchell ad, there is a thought bubble over Mitchell garcon reading: “This trip to Africa is super-cool and all, but please, Mom and Dad, please don’t go all Madonna and sic a David Banda on me. School is hard enough when everyone assumes your mom is a lipstick lesbo because your dad does hair. Besides, you can’t expect me to learn how to share so late in life, can you?”