Personal grooming gets gender equal! The Brazilian is the new wave of, ah, ballsy manscapers, and all the major razor manufacturers are showing gorgeously detailed how-to’s on trimming the bush to make the tree look taller. Feeling patriotic? Go for the “Swanky Yankee”! Loving Rocky Balboa? Saddle up as the “Italian Stallion”! Up next on the self-obsessed pre-pubey train: Crack-tastic baby’s bottom tactics! [Jezebel]

Speaking of the area down there, it seems Britney got her monthly bill during an ELLE shoot and bloodied a bunch of couture. But instead of poking fun, shouldn’t we — and every unborn child — be grateful every time the poor girl needs Tampax? [The Frisky]

So, about those fetuses. Are you as confused about Sotomayor and abortion as I am? Because if Obama unwittingly delivered a Souter for the other side, I’m gonna get really steamed! [Broadsheet]

Now, for the week’s Recession Round-Up!
The Sad: Christian Lacroix filed for the French equivalent of Chapter 11 — no doubt given a fabulously cute name like, le hosing — while Veronique Branquinho flat-out closed down. [The Cut]
The Brutal: Cash-strapped rappers are resorting to cubic Z. [WSJ]
And The Just Plain Delusional: The Atlantic’s literary editor, of all people, celebrates Vogue’s Sally Singer, of all people, as a prophet of conscientious consumerism. Isn’t this what beat reporters are for?

Images make a comeback next week. Till then, check out Halle Berry’s glorious return to the pixie cut here and the Comely Canadian here. Hasta, babies!

Headline of the week: “Suck It, Abstinence-Only Ed!” Though I imagine around the newsroom, the celebratory post was cheerfully known as, “Go Fuck Yourself, Abstinence-Only Ed!” (Kudos to the Obama administration for withdrawing funding from the right-wing fantasy, no thanks to brainwashed Bristol Palin.) [Broadsheet]

Look! Anna Wintour, clearing her head with a walk around the block, just like US! Endearing or disconcerting? Also, without a handbag, do you think Nuclear Wintour’s got a couple bucks stuffed in her bra? Just in case she craves a candy bar or something? [Jezebel]

Speaking of Anna, she’s got an answer for all of us who prefer models to actresses as cover subjects: Until models return to publicity whoring, they’re bad business. [fashionologie]

And while we’re on the subject of Anna Wintour — Met Ball, let’s discuss.
* Lesson #1: Don’t diss Alaia. When the French sexy-clothes designer learned only one photograph of his clothes would appear in the exhibition, he told every model slated to wear one of his dresses to the gala to not wear that dress. So he’s not a publicity ho either! Anyway, all the models — Naomi, Stephanie and Linda included — not only listened, but they did not attend. That is power. [On the Runway]
* Lesson #2: Models know Miuccia Prada sucks. Not a single one wore Prada or Miu Miu to the event. The absence of Balenciaga is harder to explain. [Fashionologie]
* Lesson #3: Don’t fuck with Jack McCullough at a fashion event where everybody is his friend. I’m talking to you, Kiefer Sutherland. Idiot. [TMZ]

Naomi Campbell is having such a sistah moment! First, the Alaia-Met Ball-loyalty thing (see above). Next, she had serious words for whitey-establishment designers kvetching about Michelle Obama’s small-label fashion choices: “Why should she concern herself with mainstream designers who don’t even put their clothes on women who look like her in ads or fashion shows?” Not that Narciso Rodriguez or Philip Lim are known for their diversity casting, but still. [Newsweek]

One last thing about all these people: MObama fave Alaia to launch a lingerie line. Sexy time in the White House! [ELLE]

Mmm, psych! Still not done with the Alaia clique. Stephanie Seymour says she’s trying to be “the bigger person” in her divorce from billionaire dwarf Peter Brandt. But Steph, don’t you know that you are the bigger person? [fashionologie]

Get the stupid socialites off Vanity Fair’s International Best Dressed List! In the spirit of “Obama-era transparency,” the dowdy roster is open to the masses. Don’t even think about checking boxes next to Katherine Ross, Angelina Jolie or Gwyneth Paltrow. And please consider writing in Gwen Stefani and Rachel Bilson. [Vanity Fair]

The world is learning to be Jewish and never plans on paying retail ever again, says fashion industry insiders. Conspiracy! [WSJ.]

Words I never thought I’d write: Shame on you, Oprah! The original O of Chicago has signed Jenny McCarthy — she of the dangerously irresponsible anti-vaccination campaign — to a deal likely leading to a talk show. If you think people won’t listen to the medical opinions of a former Playboy bunny, consider the influence of, say, Elisabeth Hasselback. [Slate]

Bachelorette-takeover of the Supreme Court! With a nominee list overpopulated by women who are single, divorced or childless, the conservative blogosphere is a little freaked (and meanly dissecting their non-skinniness). ‘Cause they might be lesbians! Or just … bitches who can’t deal with men. But as Dahlia Lithwick and Hanna Rosin point out, the truth is that women who get ahead in most hardball professions are frequently those without families, whether by choice or not. Seems a little small to punish them for playing by men’s rules just because they don’t live with any, doesn’t it? [Slate]

Did you miss National No Diet Day too? Here’s to No Diet MILFy’s Day Weekend! XO

According to the Purity Test, I am 42 percent pure. What does it mean that I wish my number were waaaay, waaaaay lower? [Glamour]

I have swine flu! Or maybe I’m paranoid because I just inhaled two spinach quesadillas before after realizing the quesadilla chef hails from the flu’s country of origin. Anyway, maybe it will serve this knocked-up JAP right to birth a Porky. But I will look fabulously safety minded in the meantime — thanks Hussein Chalayan! [Pipeline]

Okay, peeps. “Model as Muse” opens at the Met on Monday and it’s time to start sending good karma because things aren’t looking so gorgeous right now. A ridiculous number of designers aren’t attending, and there are rumors Vogue is charging models a $7,500 entree fee — which is gross considering editorial day rates have hardly budged with inflation. And yet, wouldn’t it be a nice little morale boost for the city and the industry to see a rager? [fashionologie]

Speaking of models, the V model search is on! So get your hot portfolio in shape because, unlike some other more highly publicized model searches, V’s makes real careers. Good luck! [V]

Have you been wondering how to match your ‘do to your new Matthew Williamson for H&M peacock dress? Behold! The winner of the International Hair Fantasy Competition in Detroit — it ain’t wash n go but, really, what is? [The Cut]

Remember back in the great job bloodletting when statistics showed that men were going jobless at greater rates than women? Well, it looks as if The New Yorker is attempting to reverse that trend with an all-dude blogger lineup. I’m appalled. But David Remnick should definitely know I’d be cool with being the site’s token lady blogger. [The New Yorker]

Is nothing sacred? Nepotism might have landed Timothy Geithner on People’s Most Beautiful list. [Daily Intel]

Buh-bye, T. Further fashion-coverage cuts at The New York Times have reduced a really fun read to a mere insert. Which means we don’t get a single glossy fashion picture from the paper of record. No word on the terrific Moment blog, but I don’t like the direction this is headed. [Fashion Copious]

Here’s to all rainbows and butterflies next week! XO

Thank Cheech I lost track of the dates this week, and 4/20 was nowhere near my mind. Or else I woulda been P.S.W.P.! (Pot Smoking While Pregnant!) So, does anybody know of a baby registry featuring water bongs?

Right back atcha, fashion companies! Now that cash-
strapped houses have pulled the plug on advertising, newspapers are pulling the plug on coverage. The Wall Street Journal closed its fashion bureau last month, and The New York Times announced the Sunday Magazine will no longer feature fashion spreads. Somehow, I don’t think this is a good thing for WWD. [fashionologie]

I have one word about American Apparel maternity apparel: No. [Jezebel]

Mark your calendars, book two sitters and start saving! On Sunday, TimesTalks features conversations with Marc Jacobs, Maria Cornejo and Tyra Banks, among other fashion fabbies. [The Moment] And on May 17, for one day only, DecadesTwo will have a NYC outpost (this is the thing that requires the Bennies). [Racked]

Either Cindy Sherman is in league with the beauty industry, or she’s trying really hard to get some gratis fillers. Cindy altered at the hands of others would make one helluva series, wouldn’t it? [The Guardian]

Has the fashion industry had the right idea about weight all along? Dee Dee Myers reports that skinny minnies are better for the environment. Not that global warming stands a chance against chocolate chip cookies. [Vanity Fair]

I don’t know about you, but when I go shopping I stay far, far away from places that are unwittingly and unironically reminiscent of East Berlin, circa 1952. Yes, I’m talking about the Port Authority, the unlikely Commie holdout where the well-meaning enthusiasts over at Refinery 29 have inexplicably decided to Save Fashion!, with a month-long pop-up shop. But I’m totally rooting! [Pipeline/Refinery 29]

In case you haven’t noticed, my second pregnancy has been all about craving banned substances. Guess what these artsy images from “Backstage at Galliano” have me jonesing for? See the very, um, heady, slideshow on The Cut.

I’m not ignoring it, but I still haven’t seen the Susan Boyle thing. Worth it?

Veeps matter! Dick Cheney proved why in a bad way, and now Joe Biden shows why in a good way: This week marks the 15th anniversary of the Violence Against Women Act, a cause championed by Biden just because it was the right thing to do. Kinda makes up for a lot, doesn’t it? [Broadsheet]

In an era when women’s magazines desperately need to reinvent themselves, one couldn’t do much better in the inspiration department than Erwin Blumenfeld’s wondrously reductive Vogue cover from 1950. I mean, how cool would it be to see visual ideas replacing the visual dreck that currently fronts our glossies? [The Moment]

And one final thought for the week: how does Susie Bubble afford all that sublime sartorial stuff? Riiiiight? [StyleBubble]

As if any woman couldn’t have told you years ago that Leonard Lauder’s Lipstick Index is a fallacy, now we’re backed by the numbers: Foundation is our makeup must-have, even in These Times. Because with (artificially) flawless skin — I love Liquid Make-up by Make Up For Ever — no lippie is needed. Try it, Lenny! [BellaSugar]

I am ignoring all the “Grey Gardens” hoo-hah, but Jezebel’s parody of Us Weekly’s retarded cover mock-up promoting the movie is genius. [Jezebel]

Everyone knows I’m rooting big-time for Lindsay Lohan’s big-screen comeback. But her much-vaunted eHarmony spoof-cum-leggings advertisement makes me like her less. Where, pray tell, is the charm? [BrandFreak]

Fashion bloggers are landing legitimate, high-profile jobs — The Sartorialist now shoots DKNY ads, Susie Bubble styles for Dazed these days — and I’m here to tell all you recruiters that I want none of it. Bosses blow. [fashionologie]

If America suffers from an obesity problem, can somebody please explain the sample-sale metric dictating the tyranny of the larges? Because there is nothing in my size — 2 for clothes, 7.5 and growing for shoes — on The Outnet, Net-a-Porter’s just-opened designer-outlet sister site. Get on it, Ms. Massenet: My shoe wardrobe will need serious updating once this foot-expanding pregnancy is finished!

They are women, hear them roar! Three-hundred of Afghanistan’s bravest took to the streets to protest new Taliban-like laws that legalize marital rape, among other atrocities. Be sure to send the Kabul version of good karma their way everyday. [NYT]

Thank heaven the Michael Jackson auction has been halted. Now the freak can be buried with his toys. All of which will decompose before His Plasticness does. [The Cut]

Can you imagine all your clothes being made in America? Much less in the heart of New York City? As a 1960s-era issue of Life demonstrates — dug up by Jezebel’s always-instructive Tatiana the Anonymous Model — Seventh Avenue ruled the schmattah trade, and it was a far grittier and more colorful scene than today’s remnants, or what I’ve seen of China’s industrial districts. Wouldn’t it be fun and patriotic to resurrect it? Sounds like the perfect something on which Mayor Bloomberg can stake his legacy! [Jezebel]

Speaking of reviving the rag trade, Cathy Horyn weighs in with common-sense advice that has probably never occurred to most industry vets: Appeal to the people, rather than the celebs, with clothes that demonstrate a serious understanding and original take on what we need. Here’s hoping! [On the Runway]

And saving the best for last: FOUR new mags arrived in my mailbox tonight — including W, with Amy Adams providing one of the best mainstream fashion covers of the year. So much new fabulousness next week, my sweets! XOXO