Wait a sec. If the president gets a cover devoted to “His Economy,” doesn’t the distaff half of the country deserve a companion piece devoted to “Her Fashion”?

Who would have thought it would take a serendipitous juxtaposition with politics to confirm that Tinseltown is so totally over? Vanity Fair’s March issue is traditionally devoted to Hollywood — what with the triple-velvet-roped Oscar party, and all — but this year’s book anoints the politicians stars, while demoting Left Coasters to a very secondary role. Now, Hollywood brass might point out that Vanity Fair had little choice but to put the new president on the cover as soon as the printing schedule would allow. These same people might also say that Graydon Carter & Co., devoted many more pages to the movie industry. All true — but.

The fact that Vanity Fair went with the prez, rather than the Hollywood Issue-usual, money-making T&A in These Economic Times, is a pretty clear demonstration of what is sexy right now (never mind that the cover photo is two years old and that there’s been a glut of Obama covers). Moreover, scanning the content of the magazine’s seven Hollywood stories, the only conclusion to draw is that the place is finished. Four stories are about the glorious past — including super-agent Sue Mengers and, I kid you not, “The Godfather” — and two are about the current, crappy corporate state of the industry. And while the requisite Annie Leibovitz photo essay features some amazing, if necessarily familiar talents, it’s depressing that half “The Risktakers” team is dead (Heath Ledger). Sadly enough, the glitter group isn’t even better looking than the president’s peeps (shalom, Rahm Emanuel!), and the difference in the diversity quotients is embarrassing. The cool thing is this: Come 2016, we know who’s gonna bring change to Tinseltown and I can just imagine who his right-hand will be: Mr. Ari Gold Emanuel.

Or maybe this issue was really about Annie Leibovitz. Given the fact that she basically shot the whole thing, it’s tempting to wonder whether we’re going to see many more all-Annie issues, what with that $15.5 million loan for which she pawned her life’s work. So much for any kind of visual variety in the next decade or three. Sigh.

Dear Graydon Carter,

Everyone is dogging you for recycling a two-year-old picture of President Obama on your March cover. And you can’t really blame them. Because even if you’re trying to look like you’re trying to trim the budget, everybody knows that’s not what Vanity Fair is about. We readers expect a consistent diet of high-class trash from you. So here’s an idea that should come cheap — and it’s got serious newsstand-selling scandal and T&A, to boot: The Jilted Wives Club of Politics (see the mock-up at left). It’s been way too long since you’ve had a celebrity pose in her undies in exchange for an exclusive on her current life scandal. With my cover, you get four boner-fide wronged women — Elizabeth Edwards, Hillary Clinton, Silda Spitzer and Suzanne Craig — and because it’s political, it’s timely. I’m sure Si will see nothing but dollar signs, and that means he’ll love it.

Air kisses galore!
Magazine MILF

If you want to know how Caroline Kennedy lost her Senate-seat desire, read New York Mag’s post-mortem. But if you want to know why New Yorkers in particular, and Americans in general, lost an incredibly powerful advocate, check out The New Yorker’s amazing analysis of the post-pullout fallout. First off, no other freshman Senator — and very, very few Senators — has access to the President like Kennedy does. And second, if CK wants help with a project, if she wants advice, or an expert to explain something to her, “virtually anyone will make himself available to her right away.” At this point, and probably forever, Kirsten Gillibrand, New York’s new no-name Senator appointed by the idiotic David Paterson, can likely only access whomever is in charge at the NRA. Kennedy’s friend, Lawrence O’Donnell, who pretty much makes Larissa Macfarquhar’s article, put it best: “What you have is the daughter of a lobbyist, instead of a former President or the son of a former governor. This is the hack world producing the hack result that the hacks are happy with.” Does that suck, or what?

If it is 12 noon on Tuesday, and you are reading this … STOP. As much as it physically pains me to send you away, you’ve got to witness the presidential swearing-in of one Michelle Barack Obama! Now! Go to CNN for complete coverage — and then come back. I’ll have a little somethin’-somethin’ waiting for you.

p.s. Be sure to check out the adorable and revealing 1996 interview with the Obamas in The New Yorker, from which this picture is taken. Twelve years ago, Barack wasn’t even a politician! Even more telling: Can you imagine any past White House occupant living with a single decorative object featured in the Obamas’ Chicago home? And hey, what are you still doing here? Go watch the inauguration!