Schadenfreude or sex appeal: The Sunday Times was all about both this weekend, with three front-cover stories devoted to Wall Streeters, socialites and how they are faring in the financial crisis. Although the paper’s Op-Ed page professes solidarity with the working class, the editors of Sunday Styles, City, and Business understand that the rich provide a sexier storyline — even to a nation whose obsession with o.t.t. living has devolved into self-righteous bloodlust against its practitioners. Why? Because we are still glamour-hungry voyeurs in need of a salve against our own tough times (think Depression-era Hollywood) as well as a scourge to rail against. So, like it or not, we need the rich. They are easy targets and they are entertaining — and that is a quality service provided by people used to only the best.

Nobody was expecting Sunday Styles to publish the juicy gay Hollywood story everybody would be buzzing about — you know, the one that outs and speculates and requires real reporting. But let’s cover new ground, people! Like, what about the gay Hollywood gender divide that has seemingly put women on top? Being openly bisexual hasn’t impeded Angelina Jolie’s world domination. And LiLo’s SamRo love looks like her best career move yet. Maybe gay dudes who’ve got the chops have something to learn from these non-dykey dynamos: Trade flamey-ness for hetero-hotness and get a macho fuck buddy who appears to enjoy bar brawls. Problem solved!

Barneys Creative Director Simon Doonan and designer Jonathan Adler were wed yesterday at City Hall in San Francisco. Yay! I love this ubiquitous tag team.

I am a glass half-full kind of girl but a certain song by REM is playing in an endless loop in my head.

No wonder Emilia Fanjul got into the public relations business — her Big Sugar family needs a serious spin-meister for all the ugly business it conducts. First, in July, Gawker revealed that Emilia’s mother’s publicist is a Klanslady. Then, yesterday, Sunday Busines ran an expose of the Fanjul sugar monopoly, which not only extorts consumers — i.e., you and me — with government price supports but also is trying to block the State of Florida’s historic Everglades restoration. Even if Emilia has little to do with such unseemly matters, the revelations are a pointed reminder of how girls like her land in the society pages — ruthlessly profit-seeking, rule-breaking forebears. Until this Everglades thing gets resolved, I am boycotting Casa de Compo, the family’s resort in the Dominican Republic, and I’m embarking on a no-sugar diet. God, I’m going to miss Splenda.