Wait a second. Isn’t this Kate Gosselin person the same woman who has appeared on the cover of Us Weekly for the past two weeks as the jilted wife of a really dweeby-looking guy? I mean, I don’t know anything about this couple — except they are taking up way too much of my trashy-reading brain space — but labeling her a “monster” at this moment strikes this uninformed observer as an insidiously indirect way of blaming her for her husband’s indiscretion. Then again, what else is new in the cheating-husband department?

Here’s the real reason Angie’s enraged at Madonna. The old broad has blown the cover off the true appeal of third-world adoptions, and it’s only got a teensy bit to do with attention-getting, as reported in Us Weekly: Little kids who are seen with aging celebrities enhance the supposedly youthful veneer of cosmetic surgery!

Um, just where does Uma Thurman fit into the “fuller middle” mold? [Cosmo]

Ladies, you must maintain by any means necessary your DABA lifestyle — and with these shoes, you can! “Digging for gold is made easy with these GILDED accessories,” reads the display copy for a story in Harper’s Bazaar that should win an award for being so dead-on direct with its readership about its economic and social obligations. I mean, really. Priorities, people, priorities!

When my friend Cheryl revealed that she takes her 8-year-old daughter along for mani-pedis, I thought she was the exception. After all, I only got my first manicure for my bat mitzvah and there was probably an intervening five years or more until my second professional nail treatment. But then my mom — a.k.a. The Original MILF — moved to Palm Beach, and it turns out that everybody there takes their granddaughters for foot soaks and polish changes too.

I had to wonder, Were The Original MILF and I the only ones who believed that a little girl should only get her nails done at the kitchen table? Apparently, yes. As a fantastic must-read in Newsweek points out, today’s elementary-schoolers are hyper-primped divas: “This is a group that’s grown up on pop culture that screams, again and again, that everything, everything, is a candidate for upgrading.” And while that might bring temporary solace to a hook-nosed fatty whose parents pony up for preteen rhinoplasty and gastric-bypass, they are actually doing their daughter a disservice. Unusual physical traits connote character — think Jennifer Grey’s career, pre- and post-nose job— while learning proper nutrition and body love is a process that ultimately builds better self-esteem and a healthier individual. Plus, if all girls are good for is picking out the proper highlight, then where does that leave them relative to boys? [Newsweek]